243. But I am on my T.O.M. full force right now. I expect a 2-5 lb gain during that time.

For some reason whenever I eat anything with fiber, it's just not a good look at all. I'm getting OLD.

I'm still trying to go home in the middle of September. We'll see how it works out.

I have to get to work, have to do a cash flow and I have stuff to do on the development side. Check back in later!    

242! Yay!

I'm so sleepy. I did not sleep well at all last night.

243. Maybe it was a fluke? I did kinda eat a lot yesterday though. Well not alot but more than I ate on Saturday. And I had some fruit, kinda late. Trying to get below 240!

I started using Stacker 3 yesterday. Not only did I have energy to clean, but I wasn't very hungry all day. I had a Snickers lowcarb energy bar and a chicken breast... and a piece of cheese. That's it, all day. Yesterday when I weighed, I was 247.  Today I was 243.

I'm gonna keep taking it!

I've joined the MySpace revolution and decided to promote my board using a page. I hope to update the blog with some good info and encouraging words. There's a bit of info about the site as well as membership information located there.

We've had a few bumps getting back on track but I can feel a shift in the atmosphere and I'm thankful for that. I've just spent way too long worrying about what others think and not long enough getting things done. You can always tell the state of my life by the shape my house is in. Well... my house was a pitiful mess today and I finally cleaned it up. I felt it was symbolic in a way. Tossing some old stuff out, straightening up, cleaning up the messes and chasing away the cobwebs.  Here's to moving on!

Wooot!  I get training on our new product today.. then hopefully I'll be able to dive in with some testing and documentation. I'm really excited about moving in another direction. I've been HEAVILY hinting at it for over a year, that I'd like to move past answering phones. It's finally happening!

So, I guess plans to return to school for PR aren't going to come to fruition. I REALLY didn't want to go back to school, not if I have to go into more debt to do it. I'm still paying off the last $10K of my undergrad degree!

In other news... Phenomenal Women is back in business! No one will believe what I say, but... I've no reason to lie, and removing a few people was the hardest thing I ever had to do. We were down to about 18 active members and in the days since I removed a few people we are up to 60. I've seen people come back that refused to come back if certain people were still on the board. In all honesty, I removed the people I got the most complaints about, and the people that members told me they'd leave the site over. I was embarassed to advertise and invite people to join, beacuse every month or so we had a huge Snarkfest. It wasn't a good look.

And it was sad, because some of them were people I called friend for over 4 yrs... but I didn't establish PW as a place for my friends to hang out. I can't tell you how many times I said that! I established PW to be a site where women can support each other and grow and change into better women, because they want to BE better women.  Change starts with ME and if I'm not in a constant state of inner growth and change, then I am wasting my life, sitting like a lump on a log... EXISTING and not living.

I have naysayers and I have enemies and... ya know... it's the INTERNET. If you think that throwing some brave words up on a website is 'getting back' at me, well ok! But uhm... I don't look like the bitter betty--- you do. So.. suck it up and move on. They say the best revenge is living well... prove you never needed me in the first place and be a better woman without my site to be there for support. And if you think it's so easy and you have all the right answers, then open your own board and prove me completely wrong. The longer you sit and fume at the fact that I removed you from an Internet Bulletin Board, the longer you waste your life on this internet shit.

my 30 days.

I don't feel like it.

Maybe I feel like sitting my fat ass on the couch and ordering chicken wings while I whine about not having a man. Ha.

Or maybe I'll find someone completely uninteresting, internet stalk them, make a big deal out of everything they write, and report it back to people that it should not interest in the least. I dunno. If I did that, I'd probably be a little bit weird and kind of sick and I might need a LIFE.

I hate that Al Gore has created this.... thing... that can both build and destroy, inform and dumb down, encourage, and tear apart. I've met so many people online, and yet being online has created enemies. I don't like that feeling!

My head. It's POUNDING.

I think I have developed allergies. To.... something. I dunno. I have a sinus headache like a MOTHER.

I just had to do something very hard that I did not want to do but I had to do.

It still sucked major arse.

But I am looking forward to new beginnings for the board. Had to do it so we could grow. I'll post a blurb later about the board in case anyone is interested. :)

 That Snicker's commercial where the dude sings to the black dude eating the candy bar just freaks me out. It's uneccessarily creepy.

So, I am supposed to be starting 30 days of Healthy Living tomorrow. Good eating, working out, getting out of the house, USING THE PHONE, being a productive employee. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. Well. I'm slow. So. We're gonna take 30.

I also am having some money transferred from my health savings account for a contact lens exam and lenses. Should be enough. I don't know what to do about my hair but sometime around the 15th I will have to decide if I am going to get a shorter cut, or if i am going to do a sew in weave. I prefer a latchhook actually but I hear that's way out. Do I care? Dunno yet.

I was approached today to take on more work. It would be GREAT to move in the direction they've asked me to go in. I would start with documentation and release notes  (using my degree! yay!) and work into some busines analyst functions, basically a liasion between the client and development, making sure everything passes muster on both sides. It requires knowing how to talk to different people, on their level, and still relate. Otherwise know as an INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATOR. Interesting how that is what I got my degree in.

I was contemplating going for my Masters, but I believe my course has just changed. I may take a few computer science courses. It will help me understand the development side, so I know what they're talking about. I don't need to know how to code, just what the code is supposed to do.

I'm VERY excited! I am supposed to go into training this week and I intend to hit the ground running. Accounting is rote and routine and we're in a nice rythm there. I could take on some more work and feel ok. I like to be busy.

To not be good looking, and to know that you aren't good looking... or to not be good looking but THINK you're good looking.

I know people say that a person should have good self esteem and what not-- but what if there just isn't anything to feel good about? I mean, what if you feel fine about yourself but you just know perfectly well that you're aren't pretty. I hate hate hate the ugly woman that think she's the shit. HATE her. Don't wanna BE her.

*sigh*